i bought august a red balloon at the grocery store the other day for 99 cents. it is the best 99 cents i've ever spent. august took the red balloon for walks, gave it a bath, and tucked it in for a nap. then, he told me he wanted to let it go. i tried to explain to him what it meant to let go... that once he did, the balloon would fly away, higher and higher until it disappeared. he seemed to like the idea, but i knew that in reality he would be really sad.
letting go... i realize i don't really know what that means. what would it feel like to let go? release my grip on the things i hold so tight and watch them float up into the air, getting smaller and smaller until they are gone from sight. guilt and fear, the dance of trying to be mother, wife, singer, dreamer, sister, daughter, friend, lover. this sad heart. the weight of the world on my shoulders. i realize i do want to let go, but i don't know how. i want to teach my son how to do the same, but it turns out he is teaching me.