we are still looking for home... and after three failed house offers, we are a little worse for the wear. the town or country debate is still there, but not so important as it once seemed. i still dream of land, and open fields, and chickens, and a farmhouse with the screen door flung open in the summer time. friends gathered on the porch, my hands in the dirt, clothes on the line.
but, i am just a little weary, and it doesn't seem to matter so much where we find it... i just long for a place to call home.
so, just as i was starting to think that we should buy land and pitch a tent, a house came on the market. we saw it for the first time yesterday, and i fell in love. standing there on the front porch as we opened the front door, i was already fighting back tears of hope. this is the house i've been waiting for. i can see us there, building our first fire in the fireplace, dancing to a record, august taking a bath in the claw foot tub, that first smell of lilacs in may, swinging on the front porch swing, sunlight coming through the window in the early morning, planting my great grandmothers rose bush in the backyard, the piano waiting to be played.
i am so proud of steve and his beautiful work, i will never stop singing my heart out, and i have high hopes for my next record, and i love being a mother to my august. we don't have much money, but we will offer anyway. and, i am prepared to get down on my knees and beg for a miracle.
don't worry, i'll be ok if we don't get it. but, my heart is already there after all... i can't help it. i want to go home.